He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
