Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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