Please, let me fuck your mom
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
