i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
