The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
