It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
