eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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