I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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