I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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