I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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