i just had sex bonerless
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
