i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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