I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
