The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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