If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
