There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
