she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
