Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize