I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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