I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
