She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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