two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
