I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
