dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
your room smells of hookers.
And success
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Damn victory sex feels great
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
