she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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