you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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