All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
