i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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