He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Randomize
