There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
