Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
