New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
