wanna go halves on a baby?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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