***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
