careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
