Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
