In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
