Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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