"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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