we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
