Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
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The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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