sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
