$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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