A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
