I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
