My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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