I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
