I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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