My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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