I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
