Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
