you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
