$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
