I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
