hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
