Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize