You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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