turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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