if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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