Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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