in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
