no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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