the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize