my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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