Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
