I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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