what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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