I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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