Kiss
Puke
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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