You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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