better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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