Jerry, you need to find god
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
