okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
