I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
