Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
