I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
